DJ Intelligence Most Requested Songs of 2009

DJ Intelligence is a company that offers DJs and their clients access to a huge computerized database of songs. Every song requested through its software is tallied by the company (nearly 2 million requests over the past 12 months),

Its latest Most Requested Songs of 2009 charts are now available for PDF download from DJ Intelligence. These are songs requested for all occasions, wherever a DJ might be spinning, from weddings to parties.

Of course, just because a song is popular doesn't mean YOU have to like it, or hear it played at your wedding. In fact, discerning wedding couples will often go through lists like these to identify the songs they'll place on their "Do Not Play" list! But don't go overboard if you do that. Like them or not, these songs are there because masses of people voted for them with their feet (their dancing feet).

Additionally, DJ Intelligence tallies, compiles, and publishes charts just for weddings -- separate lists for the most requested First Dance songs, Father-Daughter songs, Cake-Cutting songs, etc. Those are available as PDF downloads here.

To tell the truth, I don't use DJ Intelligence's database in my own DJ business -- I compile my own song lists targeted to my clients and reflecting my own musical knowledge, and I have other ways of soliciting my clients' musical input. But I'd be a fool to ignore their charts entirely . . . and my Mama didn't raise no fool.

10 Great Wedding Venues in the Washington DC Area

I'd like to share with you ten wonderful sites for your wedding reception.

In 2009, most of the venues I worked at were places I've worked before, and many of those are wonderful. But I also had the opportunity to work at many venues for the first time, and quite a few of those struck me as extraordinary  -- either because the setting is unique, or the people who work there are fantastic, or both!

Ten in particular struck me.  So I'd like to recommend them. Here, my list of 10 favorite "new" (new to me) wedding sites in the greater Washington DC area.


    * Airlie Center, Warrenton VA. An impressive conference center in a bucolic setting, a 1200-acre campus. Ample lodging as well as banquet facilities.

    * Chesapeake Bay Foundation (Phillip Merrill Center), Annapolis MD. Great site for a truly "green" wedding, both in terms of the facility itself and the organization that runs it.

    * City Club (Franklin Square), Washington DC. Very attractive option for a downtown DC reception, and the people are great. The high-ceiling main lobby makes a stunning setting for dinner.

    * Engineer's Club, Baltimore MD. Worth driving up I-95 for. A true gem brimming with 19th century Gilded Age opulence and charm.

    * Hilton Alexandria Old Town, VA. Lots to like at this up-to-date hotel at the western edge of Old Town. Facilities and personnel all first-rate.

    * House of Sweden, DC. Truly a unique site. Strikingly modern, award-winning architecture; a true touch of Scandinavia in Georgetown.

    * Marriott Wardman Park, DC. One of the city's well-known grand hotels. What makes me recommend it so highly are the people: Everyone I interacted with, from the banquet coordinator to the valet guy, was super-friendly, cheerful, and helpful.

    * St Francis Hall, Northeast DC. A little-known castle-like Romanesque gem in an out-of-the-way part of Washington, adjacent to the Franciscan Monastery.

    * ThorpeWood Lodge, Thurmont MD. Nestled in the Catoctin Mountains not far from Camp David, this setting deep in the woods is delightfully rustic yet features elegant catering.

    * VisArts, Rockville. Located in the heart of the new downtown Rockville (Rockville Town Square), a reception site amidst working artists' studios.

Again, just to be clear, these are my favorites among the sites that I first had the pleasure of working at during the past year, 2009.  There are many other wonderful sites I could recommend. (And yes, there are a few I would NOT recommend -- email me privately if you want to learn of those.)

As I mentioned in a prior blog post, consider consulting with an experienced wedding DJ, caterer, or photographer in your area before booking your wedding venue. These wedding professionals often have invaluable insights into to the pro's and con's of venues you're considering.

YouTube, I Tube

Next month (mid-January 2010), I'll be launching the GoodNoteDJ Channel on YouTube.  At that time, I'll be uploading four brief videos I'm currently producing (assisted by the very talented young videographer Rob Burdette of Thomas Bowen Films ).

These videos are aimed at educating brides and grooms about their wedding entertainment options. Each video clip will be about three minutes long. We've shot two so far, and will do the others soon after the holidays.

The topics of the initial four clips are:

• 10 Things You Should Look For When Hiring a DJ for Your Wedding
• How a Creative DJ and MC Can Make Your Wedding Unique and Memorable
• Music Options for Cocktails and Dinner: "Background Music" Need Not Mean "Boring Music"
• Pitfalls to Avoid: How Things Can Go Wrong with the Wrong DJ

Between the scripting, rehearsing, recording of multiple takes, and editing, there's a lot of time and work going into each 3-minute clip. But I think the result will be worth it.

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The Difference Between a "Good" Wedding Vendor and a "Great" One

A good wedding DJ  will do whatever you, the client, wants.

But a really great wedding DJ will help you figure out what you want!

What do I mean? Just this: The best wedding professionals (DJ or other other vendors) will listen closely to what you tell them. Then, drawing on their expertise and experience,

(1) They will help you flesh out just what it is you want and need, coming up with specific suggestions to implement your general ideas, helping you turn your vision into reality, and

(2) They will give you feedback, pointing out any pitfalls in your plans and suggesting alternatives.

The way I look at it, if I'm working for you, you're the boss -- but I want to make sure you're the smartest boss you can be!  That's why I not only listen to you, I also share my thoughts with you. Together, we'll plan  that fantastic wedding you've dreamed of.

One of Life's Great Mysteries - Why No Reply?

Here, to me, is one of life's great mysteries.

When I say "life," I mean life as a wedding vendor. When I say "great mysteries," I'm being a bit facetious. But I truly am puzzled by it.

What I'm referring to is the following scenario, which happens often enough to puzzle me:

• Step 1: A prospective client inquiries about my services for his/her wedding via email.
  
• Step 2: I respond, often within minutes or within hours at most.
• Step 3: No reply from the prospective client.
  
• Step 4: Wait a couple days, repeat Step 2.
• Step 5: Again, no reply.
• Step 6: I'm left to ponder why.

Here's what I don't get. Getting married is a big deal. Planning a wedding is a big deal. Hiring the right entertainment for a wedding reception is a big deal.  So why would someone who takes the initiative to reach out to me about DJ'ing their wedding simply drop the ball after that initial inquiry?

Maybe it's just me, but when I desire to purchase any product or service and become sufficiently motivated to act on that desire, I appreciate a prompt response from a vendor I contact, and I'm eager to follow-up. I might or might not end up purchasing from that vendor, but at least I want to engage in the dialogue to help me decide.

When I enter a hardware store and ask the guy at the information desk "Do you stock humidifiers?" and he says "Yes, they're on Aisle 7," I don't turn on my heels without another word and leave the store! I say "thank you"; I proceed directly to Aisle 7; I look over their selection; I ask the clerk some questions about product features, benefits, and prices, and if he asks me questions to help him suggest the right humidifier for my needs, I answer his. That's how I make an informed choice of what humidifier to buy, and whether to buy it from that store or elsewhere.

And here, we're talking about a crucial service for someone's wedding!

Ah, you might say ... there's got to be an explanation for the no-reply scenario.

Perhaps the brides and grooms who contact me are very busy.  True, they are ... but they weren't too busy to visit my website and fill out my on-line inquiry form! 

Perhaps they simply didn't like my response.But often their inquiry simply asks "Are you available on our wedding date?" Surely, they can't be displeased when my answer is "Yes, I am!"

Besides, unless they're randomly sending out dozens of initial inquiries, there must be something they saw, read, heard, or learned about my services that attracted them enough to take the time to contact me.

Perhaps, they simply overlooked my response, or it was blocked by their junk mail filter? I guess that's a possibility. But I clearly label my email response "DJ for Your [Month/Day] Wedding" and I respond by phone as well as email in most cases.

Perhaps they've decided to hire someone else to provide their wedding entertainment? Eventually, sure ... but within minutes after first contacting me, unlikely! 

Honestly, I just don't get it. It's not like I'm sending spam or making unsolicited sales calls. In every case, I am responding to a specific inquiry about my services.

I give each and every client and prospective client personal, timely, and attentive service. I think they deserve nothing less. And I know that's what leads to successful wedding receptions.  So that's how I proceed, from the very first contact, on through the planning phase, and right up to and including their wedding day. It's a pathway down the street of communication. Not a one-way street. Not a dead-end street. A two-way street. That's the way to get you where you want to go if you're planning a wedding. 

Again, I am NOT suggesting that anyone who contacts me is obligated to hire me. Far from it. All I'm suggesting is that once someone has opened up a dialogue with me, we should have an actual dialogue! In fact, it's that dialogue that helps them -- and me -- determine if we're a good fit for each other, or not. 

Fortunately, the majority of wedding couples DO follow-up after their initial inquiry and DO end up talking with me or meeting me in person -- and enough of those end up hiring me to keep my calendar pretty full. But still, I find myself pondering all those who leave me hanging after I took the trouble to respond to their inquiry.

Rolling Stone's Best Songs of the Decade

Fast on the heels of Billboard's top-of-the-decade music lists comes one from Rolling Stone magazine. Unlike Billboard's sales-based list, Rolling Stone's list is merit-based, so to speak, reflecting the subjective artistic judgment of a panel of musicians and music experts (including the magazine's own editors).


The entire list of 100 best songs 2000-2009 is on Rolling Stone's website. Here are the ten highest vote-getters from the Rolling Stone panel:

1. Gnarls Barkley, "Crazy"
2. Jay Z, "99 Problems"
3. Beyonce with Jay Z, "Crazy in Love"
4. OutKast, "Hey Ya"
5. M.I.A., "Paper Planes"
6. White Stripes, "Seven Nation Army"
7. Yeah Yeah Yeahs, "Maps
8. Amy Winehouse, "Rehab"
9. U2, "Beautiful Day"
10. Eminem, "Stan"

Of Rolling Stone's top ten of the decade, the ones I most frequently play at wedding receptions are "Crazy," "Crazy in Love," and "Hey Ya."

If you're a music fan , you'll find it fun to go through Rolling Stone's list, read their comments on each song, and even listen to those you've missed (through the RS site's link to Rhapsody).

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Billboard's Top Songs of the Decade

Hard to believe it, but in a few weeks, the first decade of the 21st century draws to a close.

To mark the occasion, Billboard Magazine, the leading music industry publication, has just posted its Best of the 2000s lists.

One category is top songs of the decade. This is not an artistic judgment; it's based strictly on sales and airplay. Likewise, I'm not saying these are my favorites, and they might not be yours. But when it comes to pop music, popularity counts -- that's what pop stands for, after all!

Here they are, in order:

• Black Eyed Peas "I Gotta Feeling"
• Mariah Carey "We Belong Together"
• Usher with Lil Jon & Ludacris "Yeah"
• Eminem "Lose Yourself"
• Black Eyed Peas "Boom Boom Pow"
• Destiny's Child "Independent Women Part I"
• Beyonce "Irreplaceable"
• Ashanti "Foolish"
• Kanye West with Jamie Foxx "Gold Digger"
• Nelly with Kelly Rowland "Dilemma"
• Flo Rida with T-Pain "Low"
• Santana with The Product G&B "Maria Maria"

All of those songs spent at least 10 weeks atop Billboard's Hot 100 chart between 2000 and 2009.

Of these recent mega-hits, the ones I find most requested nowadays at wedding receptions are "I Gotta Feeling," "Yeah," "Irreplaceable," "Gold Digger," and "Low." Of course, I always play the clean edits of these songs.

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Head Table: Rectangular, Round, or None at All?

At some wedding receptions,, the entire wedding party – along with the bride and groom – sits at a long, narrow, rectangular “head table,” typically situated in the most prominent spot in the room, and sometimes even placed on a raised platform.

This is intended to be an honor for those sitting there. But I’ve observed that sometimes those seated at that kind of head table don’t look like they’re enjoying it.

Why? Because they are sitting in one long row, each facing outward, and with only the person to their immediate left or right to converse with. And I don’t know about you, but personally I don’t like being on a stage so everyone can watch me eat!

Deborah Tannen, a Georgetown professor and best-selling author, is probably the world’s most popular and prominent linguist, specializing in how people communicate with each other. In a recent Washington Post article about Thanksgiving dinners, she recommended seating guests at round tables. “A round dining table,” she wrote, “is best for promoting a lively conversation because everyone faces one another.”

So even if you’re having a head table, consider a round head table. It might not look as dramatic as a 20-feet long rectangular table, but it’s more conducive to conservation and comfortable dining, in my opinion.

Another problem with head tables, round or rectangular, is that you may have to exclude some people. For example, there might not be room for the spouses or significant others of the wedding party. Or if you want to include spouses, there might not be room for all the groomsmen and bridesmaids.

Personally, I think you should consider having just a sweetheart table for the bride and groom, and seat everyone else at round tables. Of course, some of those round tables can be reserved for members of the wedding party and their spouses and/or for immediate family. But that way, you have more flexibility as to who sits with who, rather than having to shoehorn all your VIP’s into one head table.

This Is Fun!

I just came back from a meeting with one of my 2010 brides and her parents. We were discussing all sorts of aspects of the upcoming wedding -- the ceremony music, the music for cocktails, dinner, and dancing, and last but not least, some ideas I had for adding personal and unique elements to the reception. At one point, the bride's mother exclaimed, "This is fun!"

Now, THAT was a good meeting. Because I really want my clients to look upon wedding planning -- or at least that part of it they undertake with me -- as FUN. I very much hope that when we're talking about special songs we'll play, or how I'll be introducing the wedding party, and so on, they're getting into the joyous spirit of the thing.

Occasionally, I meet with wedding couples who give me the impression that all this planning is some sort of burdensome, unwelcome chore. This can be for many reasons. For one thing, let's face it, some folks just are not naturally cheerful as others -- and none of us wake up feeling bright-eyed and bushy-tailed very day. For another thing, yes, wedding planning can be stressful at times.

But I would urge you to try and get into "that happy place" and approach wedding planning for what it should be -- FUN. Think of all the good feelings and all the love you want to feel on your wedding day, and then start feeling anticipatory joy during all the months when you're planning that special day!

10 Things I'm Thankful For

Some random things I’m thankful for this Thanksgiving, in no particular order (except for the first) …..

(1) My son (the light of my life, and he’s coming back east to visit for the holiday!)

(2) The Enlightenment (it was, and still is, a great idea!)

(3) O.V. Wright & the Hi Rhythm Section of Memphis (who recorded the deepest soul music ever!)

(4) The Baltimore Orioles (although they’ve been bad so long, I still remember the good years!)

(5) Trees (any of them and all of them – including the Ents)

(6) The Marx Brothers (Groucho, Chico, and Harpo – but not Zeppo or Karl)

(7) Roast turkey (why do we have to wait until Thanksgiving to eat real turkey – so delicious! – rather than that processed, tasteless stuff served on sandwiches the other 364 days of the year!)

(8) My collection of the Complete Works of Mark Twain (to me, reading him is like sharing quality time with an old friend!)

(9) The neighborhood where I live, Takoma Park, Maryland (I love the look and feel of the place, the way everyone’s house and front yard is different!)

(10) All my wonderful clients who accord me the pleasure and privilege of helping to make their wedding celebrations fun and memorable!


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44 Weddings, 42 First Dance Songs (2009)

As the year draws to a close, I thought it'd be fun to compile and post a complete list of the First Dance songs chosen by my 2009 wedding couples (including two whose weddings are coming up over the next few weekends).

The list is refreshingly diverse: old standards, indie rock, R&B ballads, classic rock, country, a Broadway show tune, a Latin song.

Many of the songs were already on the extensive list of suggested First Dance songs I give my clients; a few were new to me but are now included in my suggested list; and a few were outlier picks that I don't expect to use again (which is fine, the First Dance choice is very much the bride and groom's personal choice).

Of the songs below, only two were used more than once by my 2009 wedding couples:  Etta James' "At Last" and Ben Folds' "The Luckiest."  I performed at 44 weddings this year, and played 42 different First Dance songs, sung by 39 different artists. (Besides Etta James and Ben Folds, the Foo Fighters and Frank Sinatra were represented twice.)

Here's the honor roll: the First Dances of Good Note's 2009 newlyweds:

Allison Krauss, “When You Say Nothing At All”
Babyface, “Every Time I Close My Eyes”
Beach Boys, “God Only Knows”
Ben E. King, “Stand By Me”
Ben Folds, “The Luckiest”
Ben Harper, “Forever”
Big & Rich, “Eternity”
Bobby Darin, “Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square”
Brad Paisley, “Then” 
Chicago, “You’re the Inspiration”
Johnny Hartman with John Coltrane, “My One and Only Love”
Eric Benet, “Spend My Life With You”
Etta James, “At Last”
Etta James, “Sunday Kind of Love”
Eva Cassidy, “Songbird”
Foo Fighters, “Miracle”
Foo Fighters, “Everlong” (acoustic version) 
Frank Sinatra, “Love Is Here to Stay”
Frank Sinatra,“Night and Day”
Frankie Valli, “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You”
Harry Connick Jr, “The Way You Look Tonight”
Israel "Iz" Kamakawiwo'ole, “Over the Rainbow”
James Morrison, “Better Man”
Jason Mraz ,“I’m Yours”
Josie de Guzman, “If I Were a Bell” [from Broadway's "Guys and Dolls"]
Journey, “Open Arms”
Juanes, “La vida es un Ratico”
Lionel Richie, “Stuck on You”
Little Big Town, “To Know Love”
Lone Star, “Amazed”
Norah Jones, “Come Away With Me”
Oasis, “Let There Be Love”
Prince,“Adore”
Rachael Yamagata, “Meet Me By The Water”
Rascal Flatts, “Bless the Broken Road”  
Sam & Dave, “Hold On I’m Coming”
Sister Hazel, “This Kind of Love”
Stevie Wonder, “You Are the Sunshine of My Life”
The Notwist,  “Consequence”
Tom Waits, “Sea of Love” 
Van Morrison, “Crazy Love”
Wings (with Paul McCartney), “My Love”

District Weddings feature story

Thanks to the good folks at District Weddings, a leading Washington DC area wedding blog that does a great job covering the gamut of wedding topics, for doing a feature interview with me, published today (Nov. 19).

In my interview, I make some of the same points I've made on various posts on my own blog, but I share some new ideas and perspectives as well.

p.s. Thanks to Stephen Bobb/Love Life Images for the photos. (By the way, that Bose L-1 speaker I'm standing next to in one of the photos is about 7.5 feet tall. That's one of the speakers I typically use at weddings. They're great -- sleek-looking and clear-as-a-bell sound.)

Happy 100th Birthday, Johnny Mercer

One of the joys of being a wedding DJ is the opportunity to share with people the glorious musical repertoire known as the "Great American Songbook." Those are the classic, jazzy songs written in the 1920s through 1950s and made famous by singers like Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, Ella Fitzgerald, and Fred Astaire. They continue to charm audiences in new renditions by contemporary crooners like Michael Buble and Diana Krall and through their insertion in so many Hollywood romantic movies. This was in fact THE popular music in America in the pre-rock'n'roll era.

Today marks the 100th birthday of one of the greatest songwriters from those Tin Pan Alley days:  Johnny Mercer, born November 18, 1909 in Savannah, Georgia.  Best known as a lyricist, he was also a popular singer in his day, and he co-founded Capitol Records.

You can thank Johnny Mercer for such romantic favorites as "Satin Doll" (co-written with Duke Ellington), "Moon River" (co-written with Henry Mancini), "Come Rain or Come Shine" (co-written with Harold Arlen), and "Too Marvelous for Words" (co-written with Richard Whiting).

He also wrote such of the best "torch" songs -- sad ballads like "Blues In the Night," "One for My Baby (One More for the Road," and "Autumn Leaves," which I'm less likely to play at your wedding but which are beautiful, haunting tunes.

Overall, he wrote or co-wrote over 1,200 songs, hundreds of them hits or featured prominently in movies and Broadway shows. He must have died a very rich man, but I don't begrudge him his millions in song royalties --he enriched our lives forever, and his tunes continue to enrich wedding receptions to this day.

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Peter Merry, Wedding Guru

I spent two very fruitful days this past week (November 11 & 12) attending an intensive, advanced workshop for wedding entertainers led by Peter Merry -- truly one of the smartest, most successful, and dedicated people I have ever met in the wedding industry.

His approach combines creative ideas and hard work -- including lots of advance planning -- to raise the bar for wedding DJs (in fact, he prefers the term "wedding entertainment director" to signify how much more a professional wedding "DJ" does than just "spin music").

When it comes to creating weddings that are more fun, more memorable, and more personal, lots of wedding professionals talk the talk, but Peter really and truly walks the walk -- and he's leading others like me down that same path.

If you are a wedding DJ, I recommend you attend one of Peter's "Professional Process" workshops.

If you are a bride or groom, I urge you to buy Peter's book "The Best Wedding Reception ... Ever".
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Having Fun WIth Your Grand Entrance

I just returned from a very, very successful wedding reception at the lovely Elkridge Furnace Inn this Saturday night (I'm writing this 1:00 AM Sunday.)   It was successful in many respects -- everything went smoothly, the food was wonderful, the toasts were memorable, the crowd had a great time, and of course there was LOTS of dancing ... the dance floor was packed all night. It was an elegant reception, but very high-energy and fun.

One thing that contributed to this, I think, was the way we did the Grand Entrance. The couple, Sarah and Miles, did not want to do a traditional Grand Entrance, where guests are seated as the wedding party and the newlywed couple are announced into the room.  So we tried something different, and it was a hit!

Instead of the guests being seated for the Grand Entrance, they were invited to stand on the dance floor, leaving a path in the middle.

Instead of the whole wedding party being introduced, it was just the bride and groom.

And instead of them walking into the room, they practically ran on to the dance floor and immediately started dancing to a rock 'n roll tune they had selected (Katrina & the Waves' "Walking on Sunshine"), pulling in other guests to join them in this pre-dinner dance (which wasn't hard because the guests were already there on the dance floor). 

It was such a high-energy entrance, and we extended that energy with one more upbeat song (Black Eyed Peas' "I Gotta Feeling") before inviting the guests to take their seats.

This kick-off shifted the reception into high gear, and it pretty much stayed there the rest of the night!

In future posts, I'll talk about other types of fun, high-energy Grand Entrances.

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Preview of My New Ad

Pardon this advertisement for myself, but I'm very happy with my new print ad, which will appear in the January 2010 Washingtonian Bride & Groom Magazine.

Thanks for Rebecca Schwartz of design4dc@gmail.com for providing the graphic design for the new ad ... and thanks to my old friend Dick Bangham of RipBang Productions, who designed the Good Note logo way back when.

The Marbecca "Love Story" - A Special Touch for Your Reception

For couples looking to add a very personal touch to their wedding reception, one special service a properly trained DJ can offer you is to read aloud just prior to your First Dance the story of how you met and fell in love and got engaged.

This concept was originated in 1989 by the acclaimed West Coast DJ/entertainment team of Mark and Rebecca Ferrell, who crafted and refined it over a decade before offering workshops to teach the concept to other professionals. Mark and Rebecca call it “The Love Story.” When I do it, I simply refer to it as a “personalized” or “enhanced” introduction, but the concept and method is the same I learned directly from them at a Marbecca Method Love Story workshop I attended in August 2005.

One key to the success of this concept is that the bride and groom separately share their love story in their own words with their DJ in advance, answering a series of questions he asks each of them. Then, the DJ takes the two sets of answers and edits them into a script to be read aloud at your reception.

This presentation becomes a very unique and memorable moment during your reception. It can be sentimental and/or humorous – usually, both – and it never fails to get a good reaction from your guests, who enjoy being “let in on” your personal love story.

After years working with this concept, Mark and Rebecca found that many DJs who attempted to emulate it simply lacked the training, knowledge, or writing and speaking skills to do it right. And done poorly, it can be boring or even embarrassing.

If you’re using a DJ who’s a Marbecca workshop graduate, consider asking him to include the Love Story at your reception. If you’re a DJ looking to upgrade your skill sets and offer a unique service to wedding couples, consider attending a future Marbecca workshop.

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Wedding Venues - A DJ's Perspective

It’s funny. Venues are often asked by wedding couples to recommend DJs, but DJs are rarely asked to recommend venues.  This, even though an experienced wedding DJ has hands-on, real-world experience performing at scores, if not hundreds, of wedding reception sites in his region.

If that DJ is paying careful attention when he works at each venue, he’ll observe all sorts of things about the place. Big things. Little things. Good things. Bad things.

How practical are the logistics?  How well are the details managed? How friendly are the staff? How does the place look under different lighting conditions? How suitable are the spaces for cocktails, dinner, and dancing? Does the place have strict curfews or does it allow the party to continue another hour if you want it to? Your DJ may be able to give you insight on all this, and more.

Even during the planning phase, the DJ will learn first-hand from wedding couples about their interactions with the venue coordinators – how flexible and accommodating are they?

Beyond that, an experienced wedding DJ probably knows of venues that meet whatever criteria you’re looking for.  Are you interested in a rustic venue, or a very urbane one?  A big hotel or boutique hotel? A place by the Bay or in the mountains? A place that is architecturally distinctive, whether  historic or ultra-modern? A place with beautiful gardens or a drop-dead gorgeous ballroom or a breathtaking view?  Your DJ might suggest places you otherwise might not have considered.

So don’t hesitate to get your DJ’s input on your choice of wedding venues – and once you’ve chosen a venue, get his input on how to utilize that venue.  Not that the DJ's is the final word -- but his input might help inform your planning.  Likewise, get the input of other experienced wedding vendors who’ve spent countless hours working at various venues – such as photographers, videographers, caterers.

Maybe it’s just a pipedream on my part, but I think there are times it would even make sense to hire the DJ and photographer first, and the venue second!

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Rock'N'Roll Wedding Bands

Interesting article in the Sunday (Nov. 1) New York Times about what the reporter terms "one of New York’s premier wedding bands for people who would never dream of hiring a wedding band." The group, The Dexter Lake Club Band, is a raucous rock band with a rakish rock'n'roll attitude -- not the typical tuxedo-clad all-purpose wedding band. Yet they specialize in wedding gigs.

The article portrays the group as a fun alternative to the traditional wedding band, but not without some drawbacks.

The band plays a wide range of popular covers, but unabashedly balks at playing others, even if requested. A more conventional wedding band (or DJ) will play whatever the bride and groom and their families and friends wish to hear.

This band actually puts a clause in its contract giving them access to the bar.  Normally, a professional wedding vendor would never dream of drinking on the job, much less demand it!

And, if the article is to be believed, the group will at times purposely play unappealing songs if they feel put upon by the mother of the bride or aren't happy with the vendor meal.  That rebellious stance befits the rock'n'roll mystique but strikes me as sketchy when we're talking about somebody's wedding!

Two rock'n'roll/R&B bands here in the Washington DC area that qualify as nontraditional wedding bands but without the naughty behavior of the group profiled in the Times -- are The Grandsons and The Johnny Artis Band .  Both bands listed as among Washingtonian Magazine's "Best Wedding Vendors" (as, I'm proud to say, am I).

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Goodbye, Wedding Season

As October draws to a close, so does the "wedding season." The months ahead are traditionally the slow months for those of us in the wedding industry.

According to a survey conducted by The Wedding Report, nearly three-quarters  of weddings (73.5%) take place in the six months from May to October. Only one in four weddings (26.5%) occur during the other six months.

In recent years, September and October have surpassed May and June as the peak wedding months, according to The Wedding Report.

The least popular months for weddings? January and February, followed by December and March.

One take-away for brides: If you're budget conscious but still want to hire the best quality vendors, schedule your wedding in the off-season, when many wedding vendors offer their services at off-peak discount rates.

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A Rockin' Recessional

Here's an idea that I think is fun, and that ends your ceremony with a bit of a kick.

Lots of brides and grooms who choose traditional classical music for most of their ceremony -- the prelude and processional music -- switch to a rock'n'roll, R&B, or pop song for their recessional. The recessional, of course, is the song played just after the officiant pronounces you husband and wife, and you walk together back up the aisle, away from the altar.

Here are just some examples of songs for a rockin' recessional:

• "Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now" by McFadden & Whitehead
• "All You Need Is Love" by The Beatles
• "Beautiful Day" by U2
• "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Queen
• "Happy Together" by The Turtles
• "Higher and Higher" by Jackie Wilson
• "Hold On, I'm Coming" by Sam & Dave
• "I Got You (I Feel Good)" by James Brown
• "I Walk The Line" by Johnny Cash
• "I'm a Believer" by The Monkees OR Smash Mouth
• "It's Too Late To Turn Back Now" by Cornelius Bros. & Sister Rose
• "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green
• "Signed Sealed Delivered" by Stevie Wonder
• "With This Ring" by The Platters

With their lyrics about the joys of love, these songs suit the moment when you've just been presented as husband and wife, and have shared that first married kiss. And with their upbeat tempo, they signal to the guests that, with the ceremony over, the party is about to begin!

__________

In Praise of Autumn Weddings

I love autumn weddings, because I love autumn.

There is a chill in the air, which can be invigorating. But not the bitter cold of winter. The autumn air is often crisp, autumn night skies often clear.

It’s a time of harvesting, gathering, bringing things home. A time celebrated with hearty food and the soothing aromas of spices like cinnamon, cloves, nutmeg, and ginger. The start of the holiday season, with Thanksgiving and Christmas waiting in the wings.

There is a slight tinge of sadness in the air in autumn. Yet it is a beautiful kind of sadness – for as the leaves dry up and just before they fall, they give us those exquisite bursts of warm browns, orange, golden, and red. The color palette of autumn foliage is one of the beauties of nature. And we understand that the trees aren’t dying, they’re just going through a natural cycle, leading to the rebirth of all the greenery in the spring.

There is something cozy about an autumn wedding. With winter approaching, we’ll be spending more time indoors, doing cozy, intimate things. For a newly married couple, that means lots of quality time cuddled up together, curled up in front of a fire, enjoying the warmth of your home and of each other’s arms.

Guest Book Idea

Here's an alternative to the traditional, somewhat stodgy guestbook for your wedding reception.

Instead of just setting out a guestbook, you can provide each guest (or each couple) an individual "guest page" which contains prompts for them to write more than just their names and "best wishes." At the end of your reception, you collect all the pages and compile them into a keepsake book.

There's a company that makes such a product. It's The Guestbook Store.

Here's how they describe this:

Rather than a book of autographs likely to be stored away, these non-traditional guestbooks personalize your event and capture guests' memories and heartfelt wishes of your special day.

Each guest at your event will receive their very own guestbook page to fill out and share special messages at their leisure. After your event, simply place the completed pages in one of our many guestbook album designs and enjoy!

I like this idea. All too often, at wedding receptions, I notice that many guests don't even notice the guestbook. And even if they do, they can't think of anything unique to write. And this is true even if I'm asked to make an announcement reminding the guests there is a guestbook sitting out there awaiting signatures.

_______________

HOW LATE IS YOUR PHOTOGRAPHER STAYING?

Some wedding photographers always stay until the end of your reception; their contract includes total coverage of your wedding celebration.


But many photographers stay only for a predetermined number of hours, depending on how many hours you've contracted for. That may mean they're scheduled to leave before your reception is scheduled to end. Sometimes, even before special moment such as the cake-cutting or bouquet toss take place.


Now, if you're aware of that and okay with that, so be it.


But sometimes what happens is that very early in the planning process, the wedding couple contract for X number of hours with their photographer, and much later in the planning process, when they finalize the reception schedule, they neglect to check whether the photographer's hours cover all the events they've scheduled.

It's easy to get mixed up about this, because your photographer's hours typically start BEFORE the event does, with pre-ceremony photos, and because you probably signed your deal with the photographer long before you worked out the timing of moments like your cake-cutting, bouquet toss, last dance, and so on.


My advice? Unless your budget forbids it, hire your photographer for the duration of the event. That avoids situations where someone has to choose between not having professional shots of some memorable moments or reshuffling the schedule on the fly to accommodate the photographer's departure time.

Another option is to schedule ALL the special moments early in the reception so as to take place within the photographer's slated time. But that to me seems like the tail wagging the dog.


Besides, at plenty of receptions all sorts of spontaneously fun -- and very photogenic -- things occur as the evening progresses. If your entertainment is going strong, you might miss having some great candid shots of your guests tearing it up on the dance floor if your photographer leaves before the end.

YOUR FLOOR PLAN & YOUR MUSIC

As a professional wedding DJ, I do everything I can to keep the bride and groom and their guest happy. But I can’t repeal the laws of physics.

If your grandmother is seated three feet from my speakers, the music is going to sound too loud to her -- even during dinner, when I’m trying to play soft background music. And if your venue sticks the DJ in a corner far away from the dance floor, the music might lack the “punch” that energizes dancers.

What I’m getting at is this: Correct placement of the DJ or live band relative to the guest tables and the dance floor is critical to the success of your reception. It is not rocket science. The sound system should be adjacent to the dance floor, and should NOT be butting up against the tables where guests are seated for dinner.

You’d think this would be obvious. And you’d be right. Sadly, some reception sites and caterers ignore this obvious point. That’s why I always ask to review my clients’ floor plans in advance.

I recently had to convince a hotel wedding coordinator to modify a plan that placed the DJ in a corner, with many guest tables smack dab in front of him, situated between him and the dance floor.

When I objected, she said: “We’ve done it this way for years, and I’ve never gotten any complaints.” I had to tell her the truth: “Believe me, there are complaints. But you don’t get them; the DJ does!” Think about it. If the entrée comes out cold, the guests don’t complain to the DJ. And if the music sounds too loud, they don’t complain to the banquet staff.

By the way, although this hotel coordinator was miffed at my candor, she agreed to alter the floor plan, and that wedding reception was a great success.

One of my goals as a professional wedding DJ is to trouble-shoot potential problems in advance, so that your wedding day goes smoothly. And I know from experience that if guests are seated too close to the DJ’s equipment, you’re asking for problems. Fortunately, these problems can be avoided. Often, minor readjustments of the floor plan do the trick.

In cases where it’s impossible to allow a sufficient buffer between the DJ and the tables (for example, if your guest count bumps up against the room’s capacity), there is a fallback solution. Simply avoid sitting older guests at the tables that are closest to the sound system. Seat only guests in their 20s and 30s at those tables.

By having your DJ or bandleader review your floor plan in advance, he can spot the potential problem and recommend which tables should be moved or be reserved for younger guests.

NO MUSIC, PLEASE

"No Music" may seem like an odd header for me, who not only DJs for a living but has been a lifelong music lover. (Indeed, my never-ending love for music is what led me to a DJ career.)

However, as I spend more and more hours on-line, there is one place where I do NOT welcome music: on websites!

What I'm referring to are websites that automatically play music when you visit them. Many wedding vendor websites do this.

I understand the thinking behind it. We all want our wedding websites to convey elegance, charm, romance, and a nice ambiance -- and music helps set the mood.

But wedding websites shouldn't act like music boxes -- open 'em up and they play a tune. Here's why.

ONE: Many wedding couples do wedding planning while at work. (In fact, TheKnot.com gets more traffic Monday-Friday 9-to-5 than during any other time slot.) A bride doing personal web-surfing in an office environment doesn't want her co-workers and boss alerted by loud strains of Sinatra when she clicks on your web page!

TWO: Many people listen to their own music while on the computer. While they surf the 'net, they might be spinning a CD in their CD/DVD drive or listening to iTunes or tuning into web radio. No one appreciates having his or her favorite music interrupted by some OTHER music popping up unwanted from a website.

I know, I know: Nearly all auto-play music websites have a button somewhere on the page that can disable the music. But by the time your visitor locates and activates the off-switch, she is already annoyed. And annoyance is NOT the "mood" you want music to foster.

Addendum to the E #1 Question

Just to clarify my October 1 post which emphasizes the importance of a hiring a DJ who subscribes to one of the professional music services (such as TM Studio's Prime Cuts or HitDisc, or Promo Only or ERG).

I don't mean to suggest you should hire a DJ who gets ALL his music from those sources. Those services are where professional DJs keep up-to-date with the latest hits each month and each year -- and with the clean edits of those hits.

But if the new-release services are the DJ's ONLY source of music, he's going to be missing much of the music you probably want for your wedding reception mix. Those services don't provide the great rock, pop, and R&B hits of the '80s, '70s, '60s, and '50s.

In other words, a subscription to these music services is necessary, but NOT sufficient, for a wedding DJ's comprehensive music library.

The #1 Question a Bride Should Ask a DJ, But Doesn't Know to Ask

Wedding couples sometimes aren't sure what questions to ask a DJ they're considering hiring

Some of them rely on lists of "what to ask" found in bridal magazine or wedding websites.

In either case, they almost never ask the following crucial question:

"WHICH MUSIC SERVICE DO YOU SUBSCRIBE TO"?

If your prospective DJ can't answer that question or doesn't know what you're talking about, don't hire him.

You see, the way all professional DJs (and I do mean professional, as opposed to hobbyist DJs) keep up with all the latest music is by subscribing to one of the three professional music services that supply DJs -- and radio stations, I might add -- with weekly or monthly copies of all the hot hits (be they pop, rock, R&B, hiphop, country, or other genre).

The three are TM Studios (producers of the Prime Cuts and HitDisc series), Promo Only, and ERG Music.

These companies, which are unknown to the general public, provide their weekly or monthly updates on CD or via mp3 download. They offer various packages covering specific genres or the best of all genres. Exactly which one one your DJ gets isn't so important, as long as he subscribes to one of them.

Without a subscription to one of these professional music services, it is virtually impossible for a DJ to keep up with ALL the latest hits on an ongoing, consistent basis.

Furthermore, these services provide the CLEAN, radio-edit versions of these songs.

I don't have to tell you how important that is for a DJ playing any sort of hiphop at a wedding reception. What you might not realize is how important it is no matter what genre he's playing. (For example, did you know that James Blunt drops the "F-bomb" in his pop-rock ballad "You're Beautiful"? Probably not, because it's deleted from the version you hear on the radio. But if your DJ is using the retail CD version, you're in for a surprise!).

If you're a bride or groom or wedding planner, you've probably never heard of TM Studio's Prime Cuts or HitDiscs, or Promo Only, or ERG Music. And that's my point, exactly. These are tools known only to, and used only by, professionals. (In fact, I had to sign an affidavit stating that I am a professional DJ in order to subscribe subscription, because these services are NOT licensed for the general public).

WEDDING WIRE

Last week, I attended a three-day conference presented by the Wedding Merchants Business Academy (Wedding "MBA" for short!)

Some of the presentations were a bit too "salesman-ish" for my tastes. But many of the speakers presented great ideas about how wedding vendors like me can better communicate with wedding couples through the ever-growing new social media -- blogs, Facebook, Twitter, even YouTube.

Among the best were two of the brains behind WeddingWire, which in three short years has set the standard for wedding websites. Not only were the presentations of CEO Timothy Chi and Chief Marketing Office Sonny Ganguly densely packed with useful information, Tim and Sonny came across as personable and sincere. And did I mention smart? Hearing them and meeting with reinforced my already favorable impression of WeddingWire.

As explained on their FAQ page:

WeddingWire is an online wedding community for Engaged Couples, Newlyweds and Wedding Vendors to connect with each other. WeddingWire provides cutting edge technology to the wedding industry through social networking, local vendor search, comparison shopping, and wedding planning tools.

See also their "About" page for a sense of what makes WeddingWire different. If you're not already using WeddingWire, I recommend you start doing so. It has so many user-friendly features. And it has a nice, clean look -- not overly flashy like some of the more blatantly commercial wedding sites.

DOUBLEHEADERS

I almost never schedule two DJ jobs on the same day.

It can be tempting to do, especially during those high-demand dates like Saturdays in May or June.

But I like to give each wedding client my undivided attention on their wedding day. And I don't like to expose any wedding client to the risk that, for example, I'd be running late getting from one job to the other. It's just not worth the risk -- to me or to you.

But there is one circumstance in which a DJ doubleheader could make sense, and be a win-win situation. That'd be when the same DJ is hired to perform at a day-time and night-time reception AT THE SAME LOCATION. For example, a hotel might book a noon-to-4 pm reception followed by a 7 pm-11 pm reception in the same ballroom. In that case, the same DJ could easily handle both jobs. And could offer a price break to each of those clients, since he only has to set up once for both jobs.

Not only would the DJ be right on time and right in place for the second job, he'd have a chance to relax and take a much-needed break between the two events, ensuring that he's reenergized for the later job.

I've had this opportunity-- two jobs in the same venue on the same date -- just once in over a decade of DJ'ing, and I wonder why it doesn't happen more often.

A thought: if your reception venue is a double-booking venue, ask the site coordinator if you can contact the couple holding the earlier or later event on your date. Then, ask them who they've booked for their DJ or band and see if that entertainer might be a good fit for your needs. Chances are, he'll be willing to give you a price break.

Similarly, if you're the first one to book at a two-event-a-day space, ask your site coordinator to pass along YOUR name to the other couple utilizing that space that day, suggesting they contact you to find out about your DJ or band. In that case, if your entertainer is a good fit for them as well as for you, you could share the price break with the second couple.

Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

A bride who called me today is debating whether to schedule her wedding on a Sunday next year. She wondered if Sunday wedding receptions are less fun, with less dancing, compared to those held on Saturdays After all, Saturday is more commonly a party night, and Sunday is what we all grew up knowing as a "school night."

Good question. Here's what I told her.

Generally, Sunday night receptions can be as high-energy as Saturday night events. I've never had a problem getting Sunday night crowds to fill the dance floor.

This is especially true if a lot of your guests are coming from out-of-town, meaning that they're staying overnight Sunday rather than going back to work Monday morning. But even local guests usually seem to get into the party spirit at a well-run Sunday evening reception.

Notice that I specified Sunday NIGHTS.

I do find that Sunday DAYTIME receptions sometimes are bit less boisterous, a bit more restrained. But frankly, that can be true of Saturday afternoon receptions as well.

Think about it. How often do you or your friends go out dancing in the afternoon? It's just not something we typically do in our culture. When it comes to dancing, we tend to open up after dusk, when it's darker, like night-blooming flowers.

I'm not criticizing daytime weddings. They can be wonderful. And I've DJ'd at plenty of afternoon weddings with lots of folks cutting loose on the dance floor. But as a general rule, it's fair to say that, all things being equal, there may be less dancing at an afternoon reception.

What about Fridays? Like Saturday nights, Friday after dark is also a traditional "night out" in our culture. The only downside to Friday night partying is that your local guests might get tired a bit earlier, coming to your wedding after a normal 9-to-5 workday. (This doesn't apply to out-of-town guests who are making a 3-day weekend out of your wedding celebration.)

One advantage to a Friday OR Sunday wedding is financial. Due to supply-and-demand, many wedding vendors often a discount for those dates, compared to Saturdays.

BEATLE-MANIA

To succeed at wedding receptions, a DJ must play dance music that appeals to guests from a wide range of ages.

A good DJ does this by playing a wide variety of styles during the reception -- playing sets of music from 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, and so on -- varying his selections to appeal to one age group or another.

Even better for DJs are those songs and artists so universally known and loved, they appeal to many guests of all ages.

The Beatles are one such group. I know this from experience as a DJ. But now I also know it from a recent study by the Pew Research Center, a highly respected think-tank. In its report on current trends in generational attitudes among Americans, Pew concluded that "there is one area of culture that members of every generation can agree on: music, and more specifically, the Beatles."

The 2009 Pew study found the Beatles the most popular performers in America across-the-board, with roughly half of all Americans liking the Beatles "a lot" and four out of five liking them at least "a little." No other performer scored as high.

Affinity for the Beatles is so widespread across generations that they were only performers scoring in the top five in ALL the age-groups surveyed (16-29 years, 30-49 years, 50-64 years, and 65+ years)!

No wonder the newly remastered reissues of the Beatles on CD are creating such a buzz. At the time I write this, the reissued Beatles albums hold 9 out of 10 slots in Amazon.com's list of music top-sellers.

BACK FROM VACATION

There's been a lull in my blog postings recently. I was out of town on vacation for about a week at the end of August, and since returning have been playing "catch up" in what's turning out to be a very busy late summer/early fall wedding season for me.

But I'm back in the saddle. Stay tuned for a flurry of new postings.

By the way, even while on vacation, I do stay in touch with my wedding clients via email and cell phone. No matter where I am or what I'm doing, I try to respond to clients very promptly. Sometimes within a matter of minutes. Usually within a few hours. Rarely longer than one day.

DANCING CONTINUOUSLY, OR WITH BREAKS?

Some wedding couples prefer scheduling ALL the special moments before general dancing starts. In this format, once the dance floor opens, there is nothing but uninterrupted dancing until the end of the evening.

Personally, I don't recommend that. I recommend scheduling ONE break roughly halfway through the dancing period -- typically after about one hour of dancing. During that break, we typically do the cake-cutting and bouquet toss. This break is also a suitable time for any additional toasts or thank-you remarks from the bride and groom. The idea is to have one, but not more than one, break in the dancing -- and group together a few special moments during that break.

On the other hand, I've DJ'd at some weddings where the schedule calls for multiple segments of general dancing -- such as a short dance set before dinner, or a dance set between the first and second courses or dinner -- followed by the standard, longer dancing period after dinner.

Personally, I don't recommend that either. It seems a bit herky-jerky to me. The guests are invited to take their seats and eat their salad, then they're told to get up and dance for a time, then asked to be seated again, and so on. I think the energy flow works best when guests are allowed enjoy their dinner in a leisurely fashion, perhaps with an occasional diversion such as toasts toward the end of the meal.

Also, a dance segment during the meal requires the DJ to raise the volume of the music for that time, which might not be appreciated by those guests who remain at their tables during that between-courses dance segment.

RODRIGO & GABRIELLA ... and FOO FIGHTERS UNPLUGGED

In my August 17 post I mentioned how my clients sometimes bring to my attention wonderful music that I hadn't heard before.

Two recent examples come to mind.

A couple getting married this September told me they'd like to hear some Rodrigo Y Gabriela as during dinner. I must admit, I wasn't familiar with them, but I quickly filled that gap in my musical database. It turns out Rodrigo & Gabriela are an extraordinary guitar duo -- from Mexico but based in Ireland -- who play a fiery, edgy blend of Central and South American and world music. They're like a stripped-down, acoustic version of the Gipsy Kings. Wonderful stuff, and very suitable if you want something a bit different during cocktails or dinner.

A couple whose wedding was earlier this month wanted the Foo Fighters' "Everlong" for their First Dance. One doesn't normally think of that noted grunge-rock group as a source of First Dance material, but this couple had come across a lovely acoustic renditon of the song. It took some digging to find a downloadable version, but after getting it, I not only played it as their First Dance but also added that song, with its poignant, emotionally-charged lyrics, to my list of suggested First Dance tunes for future clients.

MUSICAL KNOWLEDGE - A TWO-WAY STREET

It's often said that the best teachers don't just teach; they learn from their students.

Likewise, the best DJ's learn from their clients. The best DJ's understand that sharing knowledge of music is a two-way street.

I'm something of an expert in music, but I didn't get that way by sticking to what I already knew. Over the years, I've considerably expanded the scope of my knowledge (and vast collection) of music. Some of my most interesting discoveries have come from my clients.

When I meet with a wedding couple and go over their musical requests, I don't dismiss or ignore any artists or songs I'm unfamiliar with. In fact, one of the first things I do upon returning to my office after a planning meeting is to check these out -- read up about them, listen to excerpts, and download them (or order the CD). That way, I am able to satisfy ALL of that couple's musical needs -- not just those I already know or have. And that way, I constantly expand the musical repertoire I can offer to future clients.

MY KIND OF BLOG

Publishing a blog is increasingly common in the wedding industry.

The vast majority of these blogs

-- showcase events the vendor worked at;

-- contain beaucoup beautiful photographs of these events; and

-- give "props" to other vendors at the event, with links to these vendors' websites.

I'm not knocking those kinds of wedding blogs. But mine's a bit different. The purpose of mine is to provide practical tips and advice to wedding couples (and to my fellow wedding professionals). And to do so in short and pithy posts that are quick and easy to read.

That's why you don't see frequent descriptions of the reception sites I've worked at, photos of my wedding clients, or lots of links to other vendors. (I might do this sort of thing on occasion, but it's not the primary focus of my blog).

THE GRAND ENTRANCE - DON'T BLOCK THE VIEW

In yesterday's post, I mentioned that during a Grand Entrance, the people being introduced can immediately proceed to their seats or can remain standing on the dance floor, forming a sort-of "welcoming line" for the bride & groom's entrance.

If you choose the latter, and if you are doing your First Dance immediately after the Grand Entrance, make sure that the wedding party, while standing, is not blocking the guests' view of your First Dance.

For example, say your guests are seated to the left and right of the dance floor, with the head table or sweetheart table placed along the far edge of the dance floor (by far edge, I mean the edge further from the ballroom entrance). In that case, have the wedding party stand by that far edge -- not on the left or right edges of the dance floor. Again, this is just one example.

The key thing is, if the wedding party remains standing during your First Dance, position them so that everybody can watch your First Dance (rather than staring at the backs of the wedding party).

THE GRAND ENTRANCE - REMAIN STANDING OR SIT?

During a typical Grand Entrance, the DJ announces the wedding party and the married couple, as they enter main ballroom where guests are already seated.

There are lots of options concerning the Grand Entrance -- ways to personalize it -- and these will be discussed in other posts.

Here, I want to pinpoint something that sometimes isn't clarified until the last minute, and sometimes decided on the spot rather than considered beforehand.

It's simply this: After they are introduced, should each member of the wedding party proceed to his or her seat, or should they remain standing on the dance floor, forming a sort-of "welcoming line" for the bride & groom's entrance?

Either option is fine. But what's not so fine is to have your wedding party, as they're about to enter, confused and unsure as to just where to walk and whether they should stand or sit after they make their entrance. I've seen this many times -- that's why I mention it here!

So talk this over in advance with your DJ, your wedding planner, and/or your site coordinator and tell them your decision. That way, after getting everyone lined up, your DJ or planner/coordinator can clearly explain to the wedding party how to proceed during the Grand Entrance.

THE BIG PICTURE

You can find a lot of practical advice about all the details involved in wedding planning. You can immerse yourself in the particulars of floral arrangements, music selections, honeymoon destinations, and wedding dresses. You can refine your guest list, decide if your meal should be seated or buffet, determine who walks up the aisle in your processional and in what order. You can pick your first dance and last dance, and many of the songs in between.

But while attending to these -- and many more -- specifics, don't forget THE BIG PICTURE.

When it comes to your wedding day, the big picture has to do with love ... with celebration ... with dear friends and family.

So if you're feeling too much stress when planning your wedding -- if "sweating the details" has you breaking out in a sweat -- try to relax, take a break, and bathe yourself in the refreshing joyfulness of it all.

Can We See You Perform?

Sometimes I am asked by prospective clients whether they can drop by and see me perform at a wedding.

The answer is no. Here's why.

REASON #1:

It's not respectful of my current clients. You wouldn't want strangers dropping in on YOUR wedding, would you? Nor would you want the DJ's attention at YOUR wedding diverted by his interest in a visitor to whom he's trying to sell his services.

REASON #2:

It's not actually that helpful to prospective clients.

If you dropped by just for a few minutes, what would you learn? If you came by during dancing, you wouldn't observe how I conduct myself making announcements. If you came during dinner/background music, you wouldn't get a sense of the dancing. Yet if you stayed long enough to observe me in action during different phases of the reception, you'd be substantially intruding on someone else's private event (see Reason #1).

Besides, since I customize my services to fit the tastes and desires of each wedding couple, what I say or don't say, play or don't play, do or don't do at YOUR wedding will differ from what I say, play, or do at someone else's wedding. You might walk in on my other wedding just as I play a song you dislike -- a song which I'm playing because THAT wedding client requested it.

BEST WEDDING RECEPTION BOOK

Recommended reading for couples planning a wedding: a book called The Best Wedding Reception ... Ever .

Not a modest title, and the author, noted California-based wedding expert Peter Merry , is not shy about tooting his own horn.

But there's an old saying: It ain't braggin' if it's true.

And when it comes to making your wedding reception unique, personalized, and memorable, few if any wedding entertainers have devoted the time and thought to this that Merry has.

Indeed, I'd recommend his book not only to wedding couples but to professionals working in the wedding industry. I myself have attended one of Merry's workshops for professional DJs and was much impressed . . . so much so that I'll be attending another later this year.

The book can be ordered at Amazon.com or directly from Merry's website.

"DO NOT PLAY"

What the DJ doesn't play can be almost as important as what he does play. Your wedding DJ should respect any "do not play" list of songs you provide him.

In fact, your wedding DJ should ask you in advance to provide him with your "do not play" list. He can even help you by mentioning examples of songs other clients have vetoed. If you're not strongly opposed to any songs, that's fine. But it's your wedding; you should have the option of excluding songs you really don't want.

There's an important additional step that some DJ's overlook. After receiving a "do not play" list, he should ask you: "Should I not play these EVEN IF requested? Or would it be okay to play any of these IF a guest requests it?"

This clarification is important. You'd be surprised how often the very song that you dislike, or think inappropriate, is the very one your Aunt Margaret or your Cousin Bob comes up to the DJ and requests! So you'll want to instruct your DJ in advance how to handle the request of a "do not play" song.

A NICE TOUCH FOR YOUR WEDDING MAIL

In May 2009, the U.S. Postal Service issued these elegant postal adornments for your invitations, thank you notes, and other wedding-related mailings.



On the left, a 44-cent stamp depicting two gold wedding rings tied with a white ribbon. That's the basic First Class rate for up to one ounce.

On the right, a 61-cent stamp depicting a three-tiered wedding cake. You'll need the 61-cent stamp if your letter weighs between one and two ounces.

Both stamps were designed by a Bethesda MD artist, using photos by a Washington DC photographer.

Note: If your wedding invitation is square-shaped rather than rectangular, the First Class rate is now 88-cents even if it weighs less than an ounce. In that case, you can use two wedding ring stamps per envelope.

These stamps are available at local post offices or can be ordered online

Unfair Prices

In yesterday's (July 16) entry, I discussed how DJs might fairly come up with a quote for your wedding.

Today, I'll address the unfortunate case of DJs who vary their quotes based on illegitimate, unfair factors.

Most flagrant is the practice of pricing your event based on subjective factors reflecting what the DJ thinks you're willing to pay.

This sort of DJ may quote a higher price to eager-sounding callers than to those who seem cautious. He might charge more or less depending on how expensive your reception site is. Referrals from high-end photographers or planners may trigger high-end quotes. Even your home address may factor in his calculations -- he'll guess your level of affluence from where you live, and price accordingly.

Some DJs are so blatant about this, they'll even ask "What is your budget? How much would you like to spend?"

Such inconsistent pricing is UNFAIR, plain and simple. How would you feel if you found out your DJ company was charging some other client a lower price for a similar event on a similar date?

My advice: work with DJ companies -- and other vendors -- whose fee structures are clear, transparent, and objective. Avoid those who base their price quotes on how thick they think your wallet is!

A Fair Price

You'll find a wide range of prices for all wedding services, and DJs are no exception.

In a future post, I'll discuss why some DJs are more expensive than others.

Here, I want to address why the same DJ might charge a different price for your wedding than he does for another.

Legitimate factors in a DJ's pricing structure include:

• What month is your wedding? Fees for peak months like May, June, September, and October trend higher than those for off-peak months like November, January, and February.

• What day is your wedding? Most weddings are on Saturdays. Many DJs offer a discount for Thursday, Friday, or Sunday weddings.

• How many hours will the DJ perform? Many DJs quote a base rate for a 4-hour performance, with extra hourly rates for "overtime."

• How much equipment is needed? Your reception might require the DJ to set up multiple sound systems in different places -- for example, a cocktail hour outside the main ballroom.

• Are you using the DJ for the ceremony? This is an extra task that might trigger an extra fee.

• Does your event require travel outside the DJ's local region?

All the above are LEGITIMATE pricing considerations. They are based on OBJECTIVE factors that reflect supply-and-demand and the amount of work involved.

Unfortunately, some DJs vary their prices based on ILLEGITIMATE factors. We'll discuss those in tomorrow's post.

A TOUCH OF YOUR HONEYMOON AT YOUR RECEPTION

Tell your DJ where you're honeymooning. He may be able to suggest some music to evoke your honeymoon at your reception.

For example, music during your cocktail hour can be themed to reflect your honeymoon destination. Hawaiian music for a Hawaiian honeymoon; reggae, soca, or calypso for a Caribbean honeymoon; Celtic music for a honeymoon in the British Isles; beach music for a honeymoon by the ocean.

Or how about a song related to your honeymoon for your last dance or second-to-last dance? I recently DJ'd for a couple who were honeymooning in Egypt; for their last dance we chose "You Belong To Me" because it starts with the lyrics "See the pyramids along the Nile ... " (We also might have used "Walk Like an Egyptian.")

Even if you can't think of a musical connection to your honeymoon, your DJ -- if he's a music expert, as he should be -- may be able to suggest one. Just another way of adding a personalized, unique touch to YOUR wedding reception.

MEET YOUR DJ -- NOT YOUR SALESPERSON

When you call a DJ company, who are you talking to: the person who will actually DJ and MC your wedding, or a salesperson?

If you call one of the large entertainment companies, you are most definitely talking with a salesperson, NOT with your DJ. You can rest assured that person is good. Very good. At salesmanship.

He'll tell you he has the perfect DJ for you. But unless you meet your actual DJ in advance, you're don't really know what you're getting. Even if you select the specific DJ in advance, the contact may well reserve the company's right to switch the DJ for any reason. You might get an orange instead of an apple. Worse, you might get a lemon.

If you call a medium-size DJ company with a small roster of DJs, the person you speak to is likely also one of the working DJs. You should clarify whether he will be your DJ, or whether one of his associates (an employee or independent contractor) will be assigned to you. If the latter, check out the associate in advance. Remember, the actual DJ that performs at your wedding will be the one who makes or breaks your event.

Now, if you call a single-DJ operation (like mine!), you know from the get-go that the person you're talking with and meeting with is the person who'll be with you every step of the way, from the advance planning right up to the last dance of your reception.

Slide Shows

Are you considering a photo presentation at your reception -- photographs tracing the lives of the bride and groom, compiled into a slideshow or montage on DVD or PowerPoint? Sometimes a musical soundtrack is added. A family members might put together a slideshow; some wedding photographers or hotel events staff offer them.

You can have the slideshow running on a continuous loop somewhere off to the side, for guests to view at their leisure. Or you can present it as a “show” front-and-center at a particular time while guests are seated.

Presenting it as a show gives you the emotional impact of an audience sighing or smiling as they view the photos. And you're sure all the guests see them.

But there are disadvantages. It adds yet another scheduled event to your reception, taking away guests’ time for simply enjoying themselves. And you risk the inconvenience and disruption of something going wrong. I don’t mean to give you something to worry about -- but I have seen all sorts of technical glitches impact these presentations! (The computer reboots, the program freezes, the DVD doesn't play, the monitor isn't set up properly, the projector isn't functioning ... )

Also, there are logistic issues.

-- Where do you place the screen or jumbo monitor in the ballroom so that all the tables have a good view?

-- Will the room need to be darkened?

-- Who will set up and operate the computer, DVD player, monitor, and/or projector? And will that person be there come "showtime" to troubleshoot?

-- Will you need to run the audio through the DJ’s sound system?

On the other hand, if you simply have the slideshow running off to the side somewhere on a monitor in a continuous loop, guests can view it at their leisure, and they can view it multiple times if they wish. And if there is a glitch, it doesn’t disrupt the main program.

Last Dance

Have you thought about what song you'd like to have played as the last dance at your wedding reception?

The last dance is not as significant as your first dance. As years go by, you'll remember the song you picked for your first dance as your "wedding song"; you might not even recall your last dance selection. And it's the first dance that shines the spotlight on you; for the last dance, everyone's on the dance floor with you.

But the last dance is still worth thinking about to ensure your wedding reception ends on a good note.

I often recommend songs that explicitly signal the end of dancing. For one thing, the venues appreciate the DJ's assistance in letting your guests know it's closing time. And besides, it shows your thoughtfulness in picking a song that fits the moment.

Some popular and suitable last dance choices include:

• "Last Dance" by Donna Summer
• "Last Dance" by Frank Sinatra
• "Save the Last Dance for Me" by the Drifters (original version)
• "Save the Last Dance for Me" by Michael Buble (contemporary version)
• "Time to Say Goodbye" by Andrea Bocelli & Sarah Brightman
• "I've Had the Time of My Life" by Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes (from the Dirty Dancing soundtrack)
• "Goodnight Sweetheart Goodnight" by the Spaniels

Of these, my two favorites are the ones by Donna Summer and Bill Medley/Jennifer Warnes. Why? Because each is like two songs in one. Each starts out slow and ends up fast. With either of these, your last dance starts in a nice romantic mood and ends with a high-energy finish.

One song I do NOT recommend is "Time of Your Life" by Green Day. At first blush, the refrain ("I hope you had the time of your life ... ") seems fitting, but the song is actually about telling someone "good riddance"!

More last dance suggestions in a future posting. Email me if you'd like my complete list (steve@goodnote.com).

WATER YOUR GUESTS SO THEY DON'T WILT

It's a beautiful summer morning or afternoon, and you're having a wedding ceremony outdoors.

Most guests arrive early, and many take their seats well prior to the start of the ceremony. Add more minutes sitting patiently in the summer heat if your ceremony doesn't start precisely on time.

In these circumstances, people naturally get thirsty.

Therefore, a very thoughtful touch is to make water available to the guests prior to the ceremony. This can be as simple as having bottled water or glasses of water available on a table near where the guests enter the ceremony area.

I'm not suggesting opening up the bar prior to the ceremony, or having an early-bird cocktail hour.

I'm simply suggesting water.

Especially during those hot summer months, a little bit of water can make your guests more comfortable, so they are enjoying -- not enduring -- your outdoor ceremony!

WORKING TOGETHER

I just returned from DJ'ing an event at a facility where the staff were so friendly and helpful and professional, it's worth giving them kudos. It's the Marriott Wardman Park Hotel in the Woodley Park section of NW Washington DC. From the event manager to the parking attendants, everyone was a pleasure to work with. The ballroom was stunning, everything was first-rate, this place exudes class. To me, "class" doesn't just mean fancy -- it also means people following the Golden Rule ("do unto others ... "). Management must be doing something right at this hotel -- even the guys working the midnight shift breaking down the ballroom after the event were cheerful.

Another place I recently worked where the on-site coordinator and her entire staff were noteworthy for their positive attitude, professionalism, and cooperation was the Engineers Club in the historic Mount Vernon district of Baltimore. And the interior spaces in this beautiful landmark are gorgeous and distinctive.

Although this blog is not intended primarily as a vehicle for plugging specific wedding sites or other wedding vendors, I'd be remiss if I didn't occasionally single out some of the best for praise.

When the staff at a wedding site works well with other vendors, the result is sure to be a smoothly run event. Everyone's working hard but also enjoying their work -- and this rubs off on your guests as well.

What Flavor of Jazz?

Typically, a wedding DJ will play background music during cocktails and dinner. There are many types of music suitable for these phases of your reception.

Jazz is one category that comes to mind.

However, to make sure the music suits your style and your taste, don't just think "jazz." Telling your DJ to play "jazz" is like telling your caterer to serve "beef." Just as there are many cuts of beef and ways of preparing it, there are many styles of jazz.

Here are some of the most popular "dishes" on the "jazz menu":

• jazz vocal “standards” sung by traditional artists (Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Nat King Cole, Billie Holiday singing songs written by Gershwin, Irving Berlin, Cole Porter, Duke Ellington, Rodgers & Hart, etc.)
  
  
• jazz vocal "standards" sung by contemporary artists (e.g., Harry Connick Jr, Diana Krall)
  
  
• instrumental versions of jazz "standards"
  
  
• classic 50s jazz recordings (e.g., Miles Davis “Kind of Blue,” Dave Brubeck's "Take Five," John Coltrane's "Giant Steps")
  
  
• Vegas-style jazz (e.g., Sinatra, Dean Martin)
  
  
• bluesy jazz (e.g., Joe Williams, Diane Schur, T-Bone Walker)
  
  
• Brazilian jazz (bossa nova e.g., Astrud Gilberto, Joao Gilberto, Stan Getz/Charlie Byrd, Antonio Carlos Jobim)
  
  
• smooth jazz (e.g., Kenny G, Grover Washington Jr., George Benson).

Some of these styles can be mixed together. Or you can have one style played for cocktails and another during dinner. (For example, vocal jazz during cocktails but switching to instrumentals during dinner).

These jazz options aren't your only choices for background music. We'll explore other background music options such as light pop-rock, romantic R&B, and many others in future blog posts.

MICHAEL JACKSON 1958-2009

He was King of Pop in the 1980s on the basis of his mega-selling albums of that era (1979's "Off the Wall, 1982's "Thriller," and 1987's "Bad"), the hit singles and ground-breaking music videos spawned by those albums, and his signature "moonwalk" dance steps.

Since then, Michael Jackson's career faltered as his private live grew weirder. By the time of his shocking death today at age 50, he was more often in the public eye for his bizarre eccentricities than for great music.

But Michael Jackson's R&B/pop masterpieces (for which credit goes also to his producer Quincy Jones) live on in his recordings. And nowhere more so than at wedding receptions.

To this day -- over two decades after their release -- Michael Jackson's 80's hits remain THE most popular and powerful songs in a wedding DJ's repertoire. By "powerful," I refer to their power to pull people onto the dance floor.

Rarely do I deejay an event without playing at least one of the following: "Billie Jean," "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough," "P.Y.T.," "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin,' "Thriller," or "The Way You Make Me Feel." If I don't play some M.J. on my own, you can bet the guests will request one. Or more than one. And people don't just dance to these tunes. They greet them with squeals of delight.

So although his life has ended with his public image forever tarnished, his music shines on.

Back-Up Equipment

One of the standard questions wedding guides suggest brides ask prospective DJs is "Do you carry back-up equipment with you to each event"?

Good question. The only problem is, every DJ you interview will answer "Yes" regardless of whether it's true.

I arrive at each event in a full-size Chevy van chock-full with speakers, mixers, CD players, microphones, cables and cords, and various accessories. I have extras of everything with me on-hand -- not back in my home/office.

But I often see DJs arrive at events in a regular-size passenger car stuffed to the brim. There is no possible way for back-up equipment to fit in such a vehicle. There's barely enough room for one set of everything, no possible room for extras.

Does it matter? Most of the time, no.

But what if your wedding is the one in 100 at which a major piece of equipment malfunctions? Then you'll sorely wish that your DJ was speaking the truth when he told you he carries backup equipment.

Of course, the DJ who didn't invest in a larger vehicle and all that extra equipment has lower expenses, so he can afford to charge you less. You get what you pay for.

Why Your DJ Shouldn't Stand Still

You might think that a DJ's place at a reception is always behind the table where his equipment is set up.

Most of the time, that's where the DJ should be.

But not ALL the time.

First, there is no way the DJ can ensure the music sounds just right -- not too loud and not too soft -- from behind his table. He needs to occasionally walk the room and check out the sound from where the guests are. Believe me, things sound much different in front of the speakers than behind them.

No, his initial sound-check before the guests arrive isn't enough. It's necessary but not sufficient. Sound travels differently in a room full of people than in an empty room.

Second, the DJ's role at a wedding is not merely to press the "play" button for the next song. He also serves as MC and behind-the-scenes coordinator.

There are times he needs to slip away from his post and touch base with the banquet captain, site manager, photographer, or even the bride and groom (or their coordinator if they've hired one). There are quite a few points throughout the reception where the DJ's checking with or giving a heads-up to someone can make the difference between a smooth-running event and a snafu.

Experienced DJs are great at instinctively knowing how much time they have before the next song -- they scoot out and quickly monitor the sound on the floor or quickly speak to the banquet manager and get back in time to start the next tune.

CAKE-CUTTING TIME

Consider cutting and serving your wedding cake during a break in dancing, NOT right after dinner. Let’s say you have a 5:00 ceremony and a 6 to 10:00 reception (cocktails at 6:00, dinner at 7:00, dancing at 8:00). A good time for cake-cutting would be 9:00 – after about one hour of dancing.

Here's why.

What I call "energy flow" is a key to your reception's success. By the end of dinner, your guests have spent three hours watching your ceremony, standing around for cocktails, sitting down and eating. Now it’s time to get them up and moving -- to get that energy flowing!

If, instead, they continue to sit and eat cake, they might be less likely to get up and dance. After all that sitting and standing around, yet another serving of rich food is likely to make them feel drowsy, less energetic. (We all know that sleepy feeling after a huge meal.)

Also, it's considered rude to leave a wedding reception before cake-cutting, but permissible to leave anytime after. Cutting the cake roughly halfway through the dance period ensures all guests will stick around for at least the first hour of dancing -- even those who need to depart before the night is over (elderly relatives, parents of young children, guests with long drives home).

Of course, there may be reasons you or your caterer prefers to serve the cake immediately after dinner, and that's okay. But in my experience, a later cake-cutting works best.