The Importance of Listening

After a recent meeting with a wedding couple, I sent them a draft schedule outlining the things we had decided: the time-line for the reception, the songs selected, the items still pending, and so on.

In reply, I received this email from the bride: "Wow -- you are good! You got the details that I turned to [my fiancé] and mentioned without realizing you were paying such close attention!"

This bride's kind note reveals one of the secrets of a successful wedding DJ. That is: LISTENING to the wedding couple! Not just listening, but listening carefully, heeding not only their overt directions to me but also picking up the little nuances they convey through their banter with each other.

I'll take that one step further. When I meet with my clients, I'm not only listening to what each one is saying, I'm also LOOKING at how the other is reacting.

That way, I can see where they're in agreement -- and where I might need to prod them into further discussion before we finalize things. If the bride is saying "Oh yes, my family loves those line dances" and I see the groom smiling or nodding his head, I know he's OK with that. But if he's raising his eyebrows or rolling his eyes, I know he has a different opinion about the "Electric Slide." In that case,I can facilitate a brief discussion and help them reach a mutual agreement or compromise on the point.

Playing music and making announcements on the day of the wedding is a big part of a wedding DJ's job. But it's the listening and learning beforehand that ensures a wedding tailored to each couple's desires.

Vendors - Don't Be Like The Hookah-Smoking Caterpillar

I haven't seen the latest Hollywood remake of "Alice in Wonderland," but ever since childhood I’ve delighted in Lewis Carroll’s dark fantasy tale of that down-the-rabbit-hole world in which things get, as Alice aptly puts it, “Curiouser and curiouser.”

Remember when poor Alice, disoriented but plucky, meets a Caterpillar sitting atop a mushroom puffing a hookah? She’s hoping for friendly conversation, but the Caterpillar nonplusses her by curtly and haughtily asking: “Who . . . are . . . you?”

When I arrive at a reception site, I greet the other vendors -- site coordinator, banquet manager, photographer -- in a friendly manner. If they respond curtly or brusquely or give me one of those "I can't be bothered" looks, they remind me of that Caterpillar.

My goal is to establish a good working relationship with all the wedding vendors. After all, even though we might not know each other and we work for different companies and have different roles at the reception, we need to work together as a team that night!

Fortunately, the vast majority of vendors “get it.” They appreciate the friendly greeting, the exchange of pleasantries, the sharing of information, the promise of teamwork, and even a bit of camaraderie. But, yes, there are some who give the other vendors that rude “Who . . . are . . . you?” treatment, like that silly, pompous Caterpillar.